October 15th is a hard day for a lot of people. A day of loss, and grief.
I don’t have the words but want you to know you are loved, and you are not alone.
I grieve with you.
One day, your pain will be gone.
One day, you will enjoy every moment you have dreamed about…
In heaven with Jesus with your baby…
Cling to that moment.
I am one in four.
I have a baby in heaven too.
I will forever hold my baby in my heart…
until I meet and hold our sweet baby in heaven. A moment on earth with me, and eternity spent with Jesus.
A few years ago when my husband was the board president for a local non-profit he wrote this powerful letter for them to share on October 15th. It still gives me the chills. Even more so as we walk our own road of loss and infertility…
“Those who have suffered loss. Of child. Of pregnancy. Of fertility.
This note won’t be sufficient, but I hope you can hear my heart as you read it.…
I’m sorry. I have never felt loss the way you have. You are brave beyond all measure, and you probably don’t want to be. I am sorry that I don’t know where to start and exactly what to say or how to love you; but I am here. My heart aches with yours to hold what you can not hold. I love you. It isn’t enough, but I am here. I am confused, I may not have even known about your loss. I am sorry that it may sometimes be easier for you to suffer alone and quietly than to hash the pain that comes with sharing news like yours. I am sorry about how much I can not relate. I want to meet you where you are at, and I realize I can’t: but I am here.
I am here to acknowledge your loss. There is no small loss when it comes to the love a mother feels. There is no small loss when it comes to the longing to have what can not have. You are so important. You are a parent, and you have children, I am sorry for forgetting that. I acknowledge that it is easy for me to forget the pain you carry for the children you have lost. I apologize to the fathers who have lost, I forget you too often. I apologize that you were looked to for strength while your world collapsed and I didn’t even think about your pain.
I apologize to those whose bodies have been the source of your loss. I acknowledge that your loss is so unique and so profound I can not fathom it reasonably. I am sorry for my insensitivity. I apologize for what you must feel when you get a pregnancy announcement or baby shower invite, I didn’t mean to increase your pain. I am sorry that I can take my own child for granted, forgetting how precious a gift life is. I am here to acknowledge that everything you are feeling is valid. I apologize that as time goes by I will owe you so many more apologies. We want your families to be known and your losses to be remembered. Please accept this apology and know that you are loved.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
1 John 3:1-2 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.
There is No Small Loss.”